Our level of self-esteem impacts on our daily lives, both at work and at home. Every day we make decisions based partly on our level of self-esteem/self-worth, and exhibit that level to those around us in a range of verbal and non-verbal behaviours. These behaviours influence others and how they then react to us, perpetuating the cycle. Our level of self-esteem will affect many core areas of our lives including our career, our key relationships and our general health.
Outside influences took their part in setting our level of self-esteem when we were children and as we grew up. These may have included the opinions and words of parents, teachers, friends and family. What we need to do as adults is take a fresh look at our own opinion of ourselves. Is our long-held view accurate? Is our view ‘rose-tinted’ or unfairly negative? Bear in mind that the feedback we grew up with may have been fatally flawed for some reason. What if the people that influenced our self-worth were wrong? Perhaps we were bullied, or grew up in a challenging home which has left our self-confidence and self-esteem seriously dented, preventing us from achieving our full potential. As adults we have the opportunity to re-examine our level of self-esteem by seeking accurate feedback from people we respect. Seeking out honest feedback to give you an accurate picture of yourself both good and bad is positive if your self-esteem is robust and can take it.
So, what if you do have the potential to achieve more and the only barrier is your self-esteem /self-worth? What if the things you’d realistically like to achieve are actually possible? Picture yourself and your future as one of the enormous super tankers out at sea. These massive ships can take a great deal of time to change course. Someone in the bridge, at the helm, needs to plan well ahead to change course for the future destination. The captain must allow for overall stability, external conditions and operational planning. So, take the helm and steer for your future. Don’t wait for the ‘perfect’ captain or manager to steer your career, you may wait forever, or you may already have one who is too challenged by tasks and workload to think for you. Plan for your own future. Here are some top tips to help you build your own level of self-esteem. It will take a little time and effort but start today and in a year’s time you’ll be glad you did!
TOP TIPS FOR IMPROVING YOUR LEVEL OF SELF-ESTEEM
Learn how to feel good about yourself
Take time to remind yourself of all the things that you have accomplished. Remember your achievements and all the positive things that you do for yourself and others. We rarely hear the positives and yet we certainly hear any negatives – and remember them long after we have forgotten all the nice things said about us or our performance. If you are a manager remember that each of your team will have positives that you can praise; take the time to find and highlight these.
“There isn’t a ruler, a yard stick or a measuring tape in the entire world long enough to compute the strength
and capabilities inside you.” PAUL MEYER
Surround yourself with good people
Friendship based on mutual trust and respect is a fundamental boost to our self-confidence. Avoid people that continually put you down or make you feel small or low.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
“Surround yourself with people who lift you higher.” OPRAH WINFREY
Be well rounded
Don’t neglect your interests. When was the last time you did that hobby you love, listened to your favourite music, or went to the theatre? Stay active; endorphins lift your spirits and staying healthy will make you feel better about yourself and your self-image. Take a pride in your appearance; it will do wonders for your self-confidence – when you know you look good, others notice. Walk tall.
If you are self-conscious in a social situation focus on the following:
- Just because you lack confidence doesn’t mean others can tell.
- Approach a group and introduce yourself. Ask questions and really listen to their answers.
- Finding out about the other people present will help make them (and you) feel more comfortable.
- Slow down and concentrate on others rather than yourself.
If you are constantly saying things like ‘I’m no good at anything’ then you’re wrong. Self-esteem is not just about thinking positively about yourself all the time; it is about being realistic and about not thinking badly about yourself for no reason. Criticism can be a positive thing. If we can learn to see the positives of someone valuing us enough to give us honest feedback, or constructive criticism, we can improve our performance.
Set goals and meet them
The process of looking forward, planning ahead, and accomplishing something can be very fulfilling.
Failure is part of life. It is how you deal with it that sets you apart. Everyone gets knocked down at some time so the real question is, will you get back up?
“Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” WINSTON CHURCHILL
Deal with a workplace bully
Learning to deal with bullies in an assertive way is easier than you think. Once you challenge a bully in a calm but clear way you will realise how much better you feel about both the bully and yourself. Feeling sorry for a bully, who after all lacks the more appropriate tools and people skills necessary for the modern workplace, will help you to remain calm. Challenging is easier than you think when you use a ‘feelings assertion’ such as: “When you shout at me in front of other people I feel very uncomfortable and I would much prefer to have this conversation later when we are both calmer – shall we say 11am by the coffee machine?”
Take the time to practice and role-play situations and this will help you to remain calm in real situations. The Assertiveness course or one to one coaching sessions detailed on our website is an ideal safe forum where you have the opportunity to practice assertive interventions for real long-term behaviour change.
Remember that feeling healthy and good about yourself is not a luxury, it is an absolute necessity. Persevere with trying to raise your self-esteem and don’t expect massive changes all at once; little by little we walk far. When we begin to dissolve limiting beliefs and build a healthier level of self-esteem, we start to create a very different future for ourselves.